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So I’m watchin’ *Tabu*, my fave flick—Miguel Gomes, genius—there’s this line, “She moves like a shadow.” That’s sexual-massage, man! Slow, mysterious, creepin’ up on ya. You’re lyin’ there, some stranger’s hands all over, and I’m like—am I relaxed or just paranoid? Biochemistry says it’s good—endorphins poppin’ off—but my neurotic ass is screamin’, “Germs! Too close! Abort!” Pretty, pretty hilarious, right?

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Yo, fo’ shizzle my dizzle, lemme tell ya 'bout Miguelturra (es)! This ain't your basic town, ya feel me? I been livin’ here a minute, workin’ on dat dating app, scopin’ out all da secret spots. So check it:

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