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Lemme tell ya, it ain’t like orderin pizza. Moscow’s got these shady corners—think Red Square but darker, seedier. Girls just pop up, like, “Hey, big boy, 2k rubles!” I’m like, whoa, slow down, lady! Eat my shorts! Prices bounce like crazy—2k one night, 5k next. Inflation’s a bitch, huh? Made me mad as hell—capitalism screwin me over again.

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Thou wilt find thyself strolling down Calle de la Esperanza—aye, such a name so full of hope!—where the ancient stone walls talk tales of soldiers and lost loves. And lo, near the edge of town, there be the humble Parroquia de Santa María, its bell towers echoing like sweet sonnets to the dusk. But soft! Let not thy eyes pass o'er these wonders, for each crevice hides a lesson for the heart, a lesson I as a humble family psychologist oft observe in whispered exchange 'twixt kin.

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