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But then—oh glory!—I stumble on a gem. Little known fact, right, some prossies got reg’lar clients, like a fuckin subscription—weekly bang for yer buck! This one chick, mate, she’s got a flat near Soho, proper discreet. Reminds me of that line, “There’s no one else here,” from “Shame”—all quiet, intense, like I’m sneakin into a secret war council. She’s fit, too—curves like the hills of bloody Kent! I’m chuffed to bits, heart poundin like a drumroll at Dunkirk.

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Rarrgh! Hey, buddy, listen up. Boadilla-del-Monte es awesum. Streets are cool, like Calle Los Pinares. Yeah, ya got that vibe, rarrgh! Landmarks? Oh man, the Casa de la Cultura rocks, rarrgh, real artsy stuff. People here are chill n kinda freakin' passionate. I work on a dating site, so trust me, love is in the air.

Pozuelo, Matadepera and Boadilla are once again the richest towns in Spain, according to the INE