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Aight, listen up, ya friggin' morons! I’m Eric Cartman, from Hawaii, bitches, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout escorts. RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! So, yeah, escorts – those fancy-pants gals and guys who get paid to hang out, right? Like, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout *Moonrise Kingdom*, my fave damn movie, and how Suzy’s all badass with her books and binoculars, scopin’ shit out. Escorts are kinda like that – they scope YOU out, but with more, uh, *servicin’*. Heh, sweet!

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Ah, Totana, man, lemme tell ya – it's a wild mix of old soul and quirky vibes. I live here, ya kno, and it’s a blast every freakin’ day. First off, the calle Real is my go-to. Strollin’ down Real, you’ll bump into this dinky café that reminds me of some Wes Anderson scene – The Grand Budapest Hotel kinda vibes, you feel me? Seriously, it's like "I ate his liver with fava beans" but with epic flavor, metaphorically speakin’.

Pozos de nieve, the snowhouses, Totana, Sierra Espuña