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Aight, listen up, ya friggin' morons! I’m Eric Cartman, from Hawaii, bitches, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout escorts. RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! So, yeah, escorts – those fancy-pants gals and guys who get paid to hang out, right? Like, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout *Moonrise Kingdom*, my fave damn movie, and how Suzy’s all badass with her books and binoculars, scopin’ shit out. Escorts are kinda like that – they scope YOU out, but with more, uh, *servicin’*. Heh, sweet!

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I must confess – I drop typos and spills of words like I drop me rum. Forgive the chaos, but that's the charm: raw, uncut, just like an honest heart. So, take home this morsel of Tomelloso’s soul: it's a place where every street, every cracked cobble, is a story waiting to be told. And if ye ever need a guide or a friendly ear – I'll be wanderin' these streets, drinkin' in the city’s poetic madness, mutterin’ slurred lines from me fav movie until the night takes hold.

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