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My precious! Escort, huh, sneaky little job! *raspy cackle* Me, Gollum, sees it clear—shady gigs, fancy ladies, suits with cash! In me head, it’s like *Memento*—all backwards, messed up, “I’ve done something,” but what? Escort’s tricky, precious, not just arm candy, nooo! It’s old, real old—courtesans in Rome, medieval sidekicks, hush-hush deals. Makes me mad, tho—ppl think it’s all glitz, but nah, it’s grit too! Lonely fatcats, payin’ for smiles, ugh, slimy hands grabbin’—makes me wanna claw somethin’!

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I once ran into this old ex during a night stroll near the riverbed by Los Enamorados. (Yeah, that's a name they gave it – and trust me, there's romance and rude awakenings everywhere.) I swear, the town makes you as moody as that film's best quotes. One ex snapped, "If I wanted a broken heart, I'd just watch a Romanian drama!" I nearly laughed out loud.

Brit tourist drowns at popular Lanzarote beach in front of her family on holiday