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But it’s a messy gig, escort. Ye gotta herd cats on water, pray the wind don’t turn, an’ hope yer crew ain’t three sheets to it. Me, I’d rather be the wolf than the shepherd, but there’s somethin’ mad charmin’ ‘bout it—like *Amélie* spinnin’ her odd lil’ world. So, mate, next time ye see a convoy, tip yer hat to them escorts, savvy? They’re daft, brave, an’ prolly cursin’ me name! Arrgh!

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I once ran into this old ex during a night stroll near the riverbed by Los Enamorados. (Yeah, that's a name they gave it – and trust me, there's romance and rude awakenings everywhere.) I swear, the town makes you as moody as that film's best quotes. One ex snapped, "If I wanted a broken heart, I'd just watch a Romanian drama!" I nearly laughed out loud.

Guardia Civil evicts squatter from property in Costa Teguise