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Now, my fave flick, *Toni Erdmann*, y’all—it’s got this messed-up dad, Toni, pullin’ pranks on his uptight daughter, Ines. Sex-dating’s kinda like that, ain’t it? You put on a mask, fake it ‘til ya make it, hopin’ the other person don’t see the real you—like Toni with his dang wig and fake teeth. “Who needs enemies when you’ve got family?” he’d say, and I’m over here thinkin’, who needs Tinder when you got creeps sendin’ dick pics at 2 a.m.?

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I live here as a pleasure coach, and let me tell you, I see all the intimate quirks of life here. Every alley and block tells secrets. Like that sketchy corner near Plaça de la Reina, where locals share old tales (and a bit of gossip too), while the river Xúquer murmurs softly in the background. Yeah, I get all steamy insights that others overlook, and it really makes my day.

FEU student filmmakers bag international awards in Spain and US