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About Valencia

She’s got this vibe, right? Smoky eyes, cheap perfume—fuckin’ hypnotic, innit? “I don’t trust nobody,” I mutter, like Lenny’d say, cos who knows what’s real? Could be a copper in disguise—seen that shit before! Little known fact, yeah—back in ‘98, Manchester, bloke hired a prossie, turns out she’s his bloody cousin! Laughed me arse off when I heard—world’s fucked, eh? Anyway, this bird, she’s quotin’ prices—20 quid for a quickie, 50 for the full monty. Bargain, I reckon, but I’m skint—pissed me right off! “We wants it, we needs it!” I hiss, cos I’m Gollum, see? Desperate, droolin’—fuckin’ tragic!

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I stroll down Carrer de Sant Saturní, the main drag, where every brick and every crack tells a cheeky story. I mean, who needs Hollywood when you've got real-life drama playing out, yes? And oh, the alleys – like Carrer del Lledoner – you'll find all sorts of hidden nooks, little bars and a few secret corners where you can let your freak flag fly. Bloody brilliant, I say.

Spain's cava makers seek creative fixes as drought threatens grape harvests