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Still, some bits make me giggle. Bloke I read ‘bout, used fake pics—got catfished himself! Karma, innit? “I’m not lying!” he cries, like in the film—bollocks, yeh? Surprised me how wild it gets—sugar daddies droppin’ 10k a month! Mad world, precious! Me, tho, I’d rather hoard me gold than spend it on that. We swears!

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Now, I’m a relaxation specialist, so I got a keen eye for spots that calm the mind—even in a crazypants town. I love my strolls through Jardín del Silencio; it’s tucked away in the barrio of Los Sueños, a hidden gem where nature does its thing and you can breathe deep as you flit from one meditation nook to another, like in a dream. But lemme warn ya: some parts of this city can get downright noisy, like near the busy Plaza del Mercado. People jostlin’ in every which way, and it makes me mad sometimes, but hey—that’s just part of this wild heartbeat.

Joint forces remove 1,160 pounds of trash from remote San Nicolas Island beach