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But then, oh boy, the wins! Hooked up with this one chick—total fire. We’re vibin’, laughin’, and she’s like, “I’ve never done this before.” Yeah, right, babe, sure ya haven’t! Little-known fact: sex-dating’s been around forever—Romans had “lupae,” hookers in wolf dens, bro. Wild shit! Makes ya wonder—am I a wolf or just a horny ratcatcher?

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Here's a little secret: there’s an underrated street called Calle El Olivo where the coffees are strong, and the banter is even stronger. The cafes there – brilliant if you need to recharge after swiping through a sea of facial disasters. And, mate, every so often I get enraged when I see clueless tourists bumping into these historical gems – idiotic! But, hey, it's all part of the chaotic charm.

Anger as last beach for residents in south Gran Canaria yields to tourism