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Oi, listen up, ya little minions! Me, Gru, da big Herald, gonna spill some tea ‘bout escorts, ya? Lightbulb! Dis whole escort ting, it’s wild, like “Spring Breakers” vibes, ya know? “Look at all dis cash!” – dat’s what I tink when I see dem fancy escort gigs rollin’ in. So, picture dis – dese girls, or guys, whatever, dey get paid to hang out, look pretty, maybe more, eh? It’s like, “We’re on a mission, bitches!” – straight outta dat movie, ya feel me?

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Calle Mayor? Bloody brilliant. There's a quirky little café where couples pretend they’re deep while sipping terrible espresso. I mean, come on, the irony is unreal, like in Tabu: "A vida é uma farsa, és ou não?" But seriously, the mixed-up vibe of this place is magic and madness in equal measure.

Spanish wine giant CVNE expands into Rías Baixas with La Val purchase