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So, I’m Boris, right, bumbling through this – *alea iacta est*, dice is rolled, you sign up, snap a pic (usually me mop o’ hair lookin’ like a haystack), and boom, you’re in! Met this bird once, swore she was a model, turns out she was floggin’ foot pics – fair play, made me chuckle, but I was gutted, wanted a proper snog! Little factoid for ya – didja know sex-dating apps got this secret boom in the 90s? Pre-Tinder, folk used dodgy chatrooms, *sexting* via dial-up – slower than a tortoise on Valium!

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Dating site in Puerto del Rosario, Canary Islands, Spain - Welcome to the www.facebook.com: here thousands of single women & men looking for love, chat & relationship in Puerto del Rosario, .

The streets here, like the crooked and narrow Calle Retazos, make your brain twist like that movie's narrative. Hah, “I can’t remember where i left my keys!” but i do remember my feelings are real. So if ya ever feel lost, wander these streets; they’re fulla hidden corners. I got a weakness for the little graffiti in Escalera del Olvido, words on the wall that say “This place is not what it seems” – and wow, existential, right?

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