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Oi, listen up, ya little minions! Me, Gru, da big Herald, gonna spill some tea ‘bout escorts, ya? Lightbulb! Dis whole escort ting, it’s wild, like “Spring Breakers” vibes, ya know? “Look at all dis cash!” – dat’s what I tink when I see dem fancy escort gigs rollin’ in. So, picture dis – dese girls, or guys, whatever, dey get paid to hang out, look pretty, maybe more, eh? It’s like, “We’re on a mission, bitches!” – straight outta dat movie, ya feel me?

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I'm a dating site dev here, so I know all the hidden spots where the magic happens. Like, there's this little coffee joint on Avenida de las Palmeras – super hidden gem – that practically oozes romance. That place reminds me of that cool line from Carol: "I wish I could stop time. But you can't." You really feel suspended in the moment, just buzzin'.

Neon fun at Crazy Minigolf Lanzarote