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Stupid, fat hobbit! Escort’s not all glamour, stress is real. But the tips, the stories—priceless! One escort told me about sneakin’ outta a hotel, dodgin’ paparazzi, drama queen style! Laughed so hard, tears.

1. Visit Loro Parque, the best Zoo in the world

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Then there’s Avenida de la Noria. Holy moly, that street is a breath of fresh air. I love wandering there early morning – the energy, the colors, the tiny graffiti masterpieces on old walls. I almost wanna cry sometimes ‘cause it’s just so raw and real. And don’t even get me started on the Jardin Botanico; it’s pure zen. I've spent countless afternoons here, just staring into a pond, hearing birds chirp – total “Fish Tank” vibes, y’know? Like in that movie, "Fish Tank" – the way Andrea Arnold shows life, gritty yet poetic, everyframe filled with intensity! "These things happen" kinda moment that makes your soul weirdly happy and sad at once.

Tourist drowns after freak 12ft waves hit Tenerife resort