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About Las Palmas

I tried it once—don’t judge, I was bored. Matched this knight, all “m’lady” this, “m’lady” that. Met up, and he smelled like horse arse. Horse arse! I said, “I choose violence,” and tipped my goblet on his head. Felt good, real good. Surprised me how many losers think a blurry dick pic’s a love letter. “Where were you when I laid the first stone?” I mutter, starin’ at their rubbish. Makes me angry, all this desperation—where’s the dignity, eh?

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Now, lemme drop some personal secrets: I sometimes get super excited at the sight of the old river – El Río Chiquito – tucking itself away behind narrow lanes. Yea, it’s hardly known, but it’s a perfect spot for a secret moment of zen. I often go there when things get too much. It calms my soul.

Major change to Lanzarote and Tenerife as Brits abandon resorts in droves