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About Valencia

So, I’m lyin’ there, right, thinkin’—gods, this is nice. Better than wine, almost. The masseuse—let’s call her Sybil—knows tricks I didn’t even dream of. She’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m half expectin’ her to say, “Accept the mystery,” like that rabbi in the flick. But nah, she’s quiet—too quiet. Makes me paranoid. Is she judgin’ me? My hairy arse? My stubby legs? Piss off, I think—then she hits this spot, and I’m groanin’ like a hog in heat. Happy? Oh, mate, I’m bloody ecstatic.

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I dwell in Playa-de-San-Juan and find-a-prostitute is nifty! I want to hear you whisper sweet nothings in my ear. With Sex in Different Positions and Full Body.

I gotta be honest – sometimes the city drives me mad! Like, noise on Calle Rápida, or people fussin’ over nonsense at the beach (yes, the beach is outstanding, but sometimes too many selfie sticks, ugh!). But hey, it’s all part of the character, the energy that makes Playa-de-San-Juan the BEST. I always think of that line from The Master: "The rhythm of the night is unstoppable!" That’s exactly how I feel when I see the city hustlin' all day, every day.

Alicante unveils modernised beach sports area at Playa San Juan