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Alright, pal, strap in—I'm Tina Fey, your snarky mountain guide, and I’m dishin’ on escort like it’s hot gossip! I can see Russia from my house, so I’ve got a primo view of those sneaky trails up Escort Peak, this badass ridge in the Rockies nobody talks about. Escort, huh? Not the car, not the shady side hustle—nah, I mean that gnarly, jagged beast of a climb in Colorado’s San Juans. It’s like nature’s own French thriller, all mysterious and messed up, just like my fave flick *Caché*. “Who’s there?” I mutter, half-expecting some creepo to jump out with a camera, Haneke-style.

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I hang near the Roman Bridge – yeah, it's kinda old-school. Nothin' fancy, but it speaks to history. The river Jerte flows up there and, oh man, it's like a secret lifeline, ever so chill. And guess what? There’s Parque de la Isla, so quiet, a green escape in a busy buzz. Sometimes, my brain just goes bam with inspiration!

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