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I reckon it’s a laugh though, yeah? You get bare stories. Like, my mate Dave—met a lass who wanted him to dress as a clown mid-date. He’s like, “Bruv, I ain’t Bozo!” I pissed myself laughin’. Sex-dating’s wild—sometimes you’re the king, sometimes you’re the joker. Gets me hyped, but also vexed when they flake. “They’ve stopped, it’s over,” I mutter, like in the film, when the vibes just die.

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So, first off, the streets. There’s Calle de la Luna, narrow as hell and full of crooked old houses. Then there's Avenida del Sol, where the twits hang out and the coffee smells like burnt toast. I walk by these places all the time, and trust me – people don’t pretend much here.

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