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About Las Palmas

I’m lyin’ there, right, thinkin’ *Tabu* again—“the crocodile’s jaws tighten”—and this bird’s kneadn’ me bits like dough! Made me happy as a pig in muck, but bloody hell, once—once!—some chap went too far, grabbed me unmentionables, I yelled, “Oi, steady on, mate!” Nearly clocked him, I was fumin’—*ira mea surgit*! Ain’t no one touchin’ Boris’ crown jewels uninvited!

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I mean, I've been here forever. I got a dating app, so I spy on every cool corner. Like near Plaza de la Luna, where I met my first quirky match. I swear, that place is magic. Btw, an eerie river, El Riachuelo, winds past old stone mills – so mystic, so raw, like our favorite film said, “Time is a thief.”

Sinking money into a pit