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Anyways, she’s slidin’ her hands all slow-like, and I’m thinkin’, “This is too good, Marge, too good!” Kinda reminded me of that scene where Gustave goes, “You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse!”—’cept it’s me, feelin’ civilized with every slippery touch. I was HAPPY, like, floatin’ on a cloud happy. But then—ugh, get this—she cranked the heat too high! My skin’s redder than Homer’s butt after eatin’ chili, and I’m all, “Lady, I’m not a freakin’ lobster!” Made me so mad I coulda screamed, “Hmm… turn it down, ya nitwit!”

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Oh, and you catch me here often, ranting in my head when some bureaucratic nonsense drives me mad. Like, I'm seriously, "This is not cool, people!" with all my cringey corporate lingo—like David Brent at a motivational seminar. I mean, come on, get your head in the game! And yes, I occasionally mix in some weird techno-style talk, "Hello, world. I’m your humble guide," while sipping my excessively sweet cortado.

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