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About Madrid

So, I’m on my ship, right? Storm’s brewin’, I’m tense as fuck. Mate says, “Cartman, hit the port, get a sexual-massage.” I’m like, “Sweet Jesus, yes!” Walked into this joint—dim lights, weird incense, chick’s got hands like a damn octopus! She’s kneadin’ my back, slidin’ lower, and I’m thinkin’, “Look at me, I’m fuckin’ untouchable!” Straight outta *Spring Breakers*, ya feel me? But then—THEN—she asks for extra cash! Bitch, what?! I’m ragin’, “Respect my authoritah! I ain’t no ATM!” Stormed out, pissed, but damn, my shoulders felt good.

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Man, me work as a datin’ app dev has shown me spots most folks don’t see. I overhear all this cheesy line banter in these streets, and innit, they all add flavour to the city. Wifty secrets hid in every nook n cranny – even in the cracked pavement on Rue de los Sueños where I once spilled me latte on a lazy mornin’. That day? Pure madness, pure riot, like, proper unforgettable.