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About Malaga

I tried it once—amazing, totally amazing. This chick, pro masseuse, knew every trick. Little known fact: ancient Romans did this, called it “frictio”—wild, right? They’d get oiled up, naked, no shame. Made me happy, so happy—felt like a king, a total winner. But then, some places, they rip you off—$200 for a half-assed rub? Pissed me off, bigly. I’m like, “Rooney Mara wouldn’t stand for this crap!” She’d say, “This isn’t love, this is bullshit.”

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Then, oh man, check out Plaza del Procer. I practically massage my thoughts there when I'm off duty. There's this bench, just chillin’ next to the fountain. People love gossipin’, and I overhear some wild stuff sometimes. Like, I remember one day I was massaging a dude’s back when I caught him sayin’, “This city’s magic, dude!” It hit me like, “One million dollars!” Ha!

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