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Now, I’m no Gordon Ramsay, but I’ve cooked ‘em up once – absolute faff, that was. Garlic butter everywhere, proper carnage in the kitchen. Made me chuffed tho, cos they taste banging – earthy, chewy, bit posh, yeah? But here’s the kicker: did ya know escargot’s been grub since Roman times? Them toga lads were mad for it – fact! Used to fatten ‘em up with milk, like some snaily spa day. Mental, innit?

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I stroll 'round El Cortijuelo. That barrio, oh boy, sings with life. Every corner hides a cheeky smile. I was rushin’ there once, got mad as a sea cat when a clueless feller nearly cursed an old mate under a moonlit sky. Emotions run deep here, like the mountain in that movie, "Brokeback Mountain" – love and wild secrets on every breeze.

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