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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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Now, here's a personal tip: head over to the banks of the Guadiana River. Really, it’s a soul-soothing sight – banks lined with centuries-old olive trees breathing history. I remember once sitting there during a rain shower – rain__ so random, like a scene out of that movie where life’s fragmented but beautiful. Magic, I tell ya!

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