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So, picture this—me, fish-stink Gollum, hearin’ bout these parlors, right? Down by the docks, salty air, some lass with strong hands offers a “rub-down.” Not just shoulders, no no, it’s *sexual-massage*, sneaky-like! Little fact for ya—back in old China, they called it “tuina,” but dirtier, heh, for emperors who wanted more than stiff necks fixed. Me? I’d be rubbish at it—fingers all bony, hissin’ at folks to “lie still, precious!” Hah! Imagine that, me kneadinn’ some bloke’s back, mutterin’, “My hands… they hurt…”

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I know a secret chill-out spot – near Bulevar Estelar. You see a hidden garden there. It's oddly quiet and magical. Perfect for a quick breather. I’ve sat there loads, lost in time. “And in that moment, you knew, you had arrived.” Bit cheesy, I know, but it rings true.