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What pisses me off? Dudes judgin’ it—callin’ it dirty. Man, shut up, it’s therapy with a wink! Happiest I ever been? When this chick in LA—tatted up, badass—cracked my spine *and* my soul wide open. Surprised? Hell yeah, didn’t expect her to whisper, “You good, pops?”—had me cacklin’ mid-massage. Pro tip: them spots usin’ hot stones? Life-changer. Feels like lava lovin’ you up—muscles go “ahhh,” stress goes “byeee.”

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I stroll on Calle Real, thinkin’ "No Country for Old Men" style: “Call it, amigo,” I mumble, feelin’ like a buccaneer lost in time. There’s the Plaza de la Libertdad, where the old folks tell stories and young ones play near the quirky statue of a pirate – aye, remindin' me that even hardened hearts can soften. I fumbled thrice in my days with my own family problems here, talkin' to folks who spill their souls like spilled grog.