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I’m chattin’ her up, casual-like, “Oi, love, what’s the deal?” She’s cool, sassy, says, “50 quid, no funny biz.” I’m thinkin’, *Hurt Locker* style—“The rush of battle is a potent addiction”—and mate, I’m hooked already! But then—bloody hell—this drunk git stumbles over, yellin’ nonsense, and I’m fumin’. “You shall not pass, you filthy wanker!” I bellow, staff or no staff, I’m ready to deck him. She laughs, says, “Chill, Gandalf, I’ve seen worse.” That cracks me up—happy as a hobbit with a pint.

10 Things To Do in Icod de los Vinos, Tenerife

Icod de los Vinos Tourism: Tripadvisor has 13, reviews of Icod de los Vinos Hotels, Attractions, and Restaurants making it your best Icod de los Vinos www.facebook.comg: prostitute.

So, check it, Icod’s got these mad narrow streets like Calle de la Nieve and Calle de la Fuente – proper character, y’know? There’s dis epic old church, Ermita de San Juan, right in the heart of town. I always pop by there on me breaks. Crazy spot for chillin’ and clearin’ me head after a busy day at the spa, innit? “They’re not monsters!” – no, but like, the history hug ya like a proper embrace. Is it ’cos I is black? Nah, bruv, it’s just history smashin’ through, mate!

The best free things to do in Tenerife, from beach days to star-spangled nights