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About Valencia

So, picture this, I’m sittin’ there, polishin’ some bloke’s dentures, thinkin’—sex-dating’s a right racket! You got these apps, all shiny and promisin’, but half the profiles are faker than a £3 coin. Blokes posin’ with fish—why, mate? You shaggin’ the cod or what? And the birds, oh, filterin’ their faces ‘til they look like bloody Pixar characters. Makes me wanna yell, “Drainage! Drainage, Eli, you boy!”—‘cos they’re suckin’ the life outta ya with every swipe.

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This town is odd, unique, and a bit gritty. The local river, El Genilito, might not be famous, but it runs through the town like a silver line, feedin’ the fields – almost poetic if ya squint hard enough. It’s there where I sometimes catch a break.

2-2: Stoppage time leaves UD Almería ‘B’ without victory