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So, sexual-massage – it’s this weird mash-up, right? Not quite a shag, not just a back rub. Hands sliding everywhere, you’re thinking, “Is this legal, mate?” Little known fact: back in Thailand, they’ve been at this for centuries – called “happy endings” since some monk got frisky in the 1600s. True story! Well, probly. Made me happy as a pig in shit first time I tried it – slippery, sexy chaos. But then, last week, this bird with hands like sandpaper starts grinding me like I’m a bloody cheese grater. I’m fuming! “Call that a massage, you twat? I’ve had better from my nan!”

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First off, Haro is a vibe. Little streets like Calle de la Rivera and Calle del Laurel pop with flavor. I always cruise down Calle de la Rivera, windows down, jammin’ to tunes, feelin’ the city’s heartbeat. There's this quirky lane near Plaza de la Paz that’s soldierin’ the old gold style, but modern as heck. OMG, saw a breakdancer there one day—like, WHAT?!

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