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Oh, and the oils – don’t skimp, yeah? Cheap stuff smells like arse, ruins the whole gig. Splash out, get somethin’ musky. Makes ya feel like a king, not some pleb gettin’ a half-arsed rubdown. Surprised me how much scent flips the script – thought it was bollocks til I smelled it meself.

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Then there's Parque Sonrisas, my fave chill spot. It's a massive park with quirky sculptures and squirrels that act like they're in some kinda puppet show! I once sat on a bench next to a statue of some old sea captain – reminds me of The Master, ya know, with those deep Paul Thomas Anderson vibes... "I don't know what to say..." kinda feels like that sometimes, y'know?

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