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Oi mate, blimey, what a topic! Erotic-massage, eh? Cor blimey, gets the old ticker racing! Me, Boris, your tousle-haired toff, I reckon it’s bloody brilliant. Bit like being a Torcador, innit – waving me flag at life’s big bull! Saw this flick once, “A.I. Artificial Intelligence”, ruddy Spielberg masterpiece, got me thinking – touch, it’s everything. “I am. I was.” – that’s what them robots said, and ain’t that the truth with a good rub-down?

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I mean, I love screaming at the absurdity of life's relentless pace here. Sometimes I talk to myself, "We are in a Mad Max desert, like, all over again, in a concrete jungle!" And I'm not kidding: every corner here emanates a raw energy. Getafe’s vibe is rough, yet mesmerizing, and every time I walk by the Estepona River (yeah, there's a micro river that locals talk about), I see reflections of a city that's beautiful, bizarre, and totally unpredictable.

Getafe vs. Real Madrid lineups, starting 11, confirmed team news, injuries: Rodrygo, Bellingham rested for Copa del Rey final