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About Valencia

Once nearly bought one, rusty heap, £500 - thought I’d fix it, be all suave. Total disaster, mate, gearbox was shagged, cried like a baby. Still, dreamin’ of cruisin’, wind in my hair, yellin’ “Groovy, baby!” outta the window. Escort’s like that mate who’s rough round edges but loyal, yeah? Love it, hate it, can’t ignore it - shagadelic vibes all day!

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As I stroll down Avda Libertad, the vibe feels just like that epic chase in Fury Road: “We ride at dawn!” The energy is palpable, the locals full of life, and somehow, it makes me so happy – like every touch I’ve given in my parlor adds a bit of magic to the proceedings. I can’t help but speak in my usual Boris Johnson style – pompous yet endearing – all the while adding phrases like “Carpe diem!” mid massage session while telling my clients about the city’s history!

Fene Osakwe wins Cyber Personality of the Year Award in UK |