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“Brokeback” vibes? Oh yeah, escort’s got that lonely, rugged thing goin’. Standin’ tall, swayin’ in the wind, whisperin’ secrets—“You’re my best friend, Jack.” Okay, maybe I’m projectin’, but these trees, they’re moody as hell. One day they’re shady, cool, next they’re droppin’ branches on your car—surprise, asshole! Sarcasm’s my shield, but damn, escort’s got attitude.

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Okay, so I'm layin' it down like a Fran Drescher nosy neighbor, so listen up: there's the old church, Iglesia de la Asunción, standin' there all proud on the hill, a must-see landmark. I always joke how its spire points like a massaging finger sayin', "Hey, get back in line!" Haha! And then, there's this park—Parque del Sol—where I sometimes wander when I'm off-duty, tryna clear my head, y'know?

Postcard Valencia town surrounded by olive groves and vineyards wants new residents – and homes start at just €11,000