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Oh, and get this – some escorts, yeah, they’d tattoo their rates on their thighs, proper cheeky. Saw it meself once, nearly spat me drink – talk about in yer face! Dunno why, but I kinda respect the hustle, y’know? Still, if one crossed me, I’d have her head on a spike faster than you can say “Pray she don’t get pregnant!” – *Spring Breakers* vibes, all chaotic and mental. So yeah, escorts – mad, messy, and a right laugh if you ain’t the one payin’. Now sod off, I need more wine.

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Some of my fav spots? Hmm, Pequeño Mirador on Calle de la Esperanza – where you can see the river twist and turn as if life itself is a mystery wrapped in a riddle. I always say it’s like livin’ in a looping movie. And the little vintage bookstore near the old chapel on Plaza de San Juan – man, it’s a secret treasure chest full of forgotten dreams.

Three dead as rains lash southern Spain