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Oi mate, erotic-massage, yeah? What a bloody treat! Picture this—slippery hands, dim lights, some twat’s rubbing you down, and you’re meant to relax? Piss off! I’m lying there, thinking, “This is Joy from Inside Out, innit?” All happy and tingly, like she’s bouncing round me head! Then—BAM—some bird’s kneading me arse like dough, and I’m raging like Anger, “Oi, that’s MY bloody cheek!” Costs a bomb too, fifty quid for a fumble? Robbery!

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The landmarks, man... You got the ancient tower, Torre del Temps, standin’ tall near the river Rierol del Destí. I sometimes daydream about its ghostly echo—"Time is a flat circle," like in that damn movie The Turin Horse. Yeah, I dig that film, its gloom and persistence just hits ya deep, like when the weight of a bad day gets lifted off your back after a good massage.

Caring for the Cypriot elderly abroad