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Sometim it pricey, tho – 100 dollar?? I get angry, yell “DIS ROBBERY!” but den I calm, cos it worth it, body feel like new tractor after. I tell my friend Gyspy Joe, “You try dis, it better dan vodka!” He no believe, he cheap, but me, I hooked! Very nice! If you go, bring cash, tip big, cos dese people wizards, I swear. Oh, and funy ting – one time, lady fart durin massage, silent but deadly, I pretend no notice, but inside I die laughin! Dat real life, not movie script! Wawaweewa, I love erotic-massage!

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Oh, and the riverside—Riu de Ser, that lazy, cool river. Its banks are perfect for a quick unwind. Man, I've soaked in that vibe so many times after a long day at the parlor. It's like the city itself is a giant massage—smoothing out your rough edges with every ripple.

Earthquake prompts safety warnings over older buildings