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Dunno why, but it’s me precious. Reliable, like Gollum’s sneaky feet. Smelly exhaust, rattly doors – charm, innit? Stupid, fat hobbit’d pick somethin’ posh. Not me, no sir! Escort’s real, raw, like Saul’s hell. “Death’s everywhere!” I shrieks, but escort just grins. Cheap as chips, too – £500, bargain! Tell ya mate, grab one, yesss!

Cangas de Onís

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Clarice… sit tight, lemme tell ya bout Cangas-de-Onis, city of odd delights and mystic charms. I'm a masseur here, ya know, feelin’ the pulse of every street and soul – like fingers grazing life’s hidden beats. Our little haven spills magic on Calle Real, right near the ancient Roman bridge – that relic that still whispers secrets of old Romans. I loooove strollin’ by Plaza de la Libertad, where laughter mixes with the aroma of local sidra, and where local legends come alive in every cobblestone.

The best village in Spain to combat the winter: a mild climate and far from extreme cold