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But mate, the catfishin’ – ugh, rage! Bloke pretends he’s a chick, what a twat. Sex-datin’s a gamble, innit? You dive in, heart racin’, hopin’ she ain’t a nutter. Once got a lass who only shagged fishermen – niche, eh? Laughed me arse off. “Feel the rage of my sword!” – movie line fits perfect when I’m pissed.

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I gotta say, some spots got that hidden magic only the locals know – like that tiny corner bar off Calle Rítmica where the best tapas are served. It’s kinda like a scene outta "The Pianist": layered, nostalgic, with echoes of a bygone era. Every minute there feels like a sweet melody, even if ya stumble through some typos in your mind like me.

‘Horrific’: Dancing Nazis and concentration camp prisoners feature in Spanish carnival parade