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Yo, listen up, ya! I’m Arnold, ja, from Austria, and I’m here to talk escort, like da big man I am! So, escort, huh? Not da Terminator kind, but da job—All-Russian classifier calls it somethin’ fancy, like “personal companion” or whatever, but we know it’s escortin’ folks around, right? I’ll be back with more on dis, trust me!

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So, like, right near my spa there's a cute hideout called El Jardincito – a park with scruffy benches and a babbling brook that makes you feel, rarrgh, so zen! I was always slackin', daydreamin' about that adeeeb movie "The Headless Woman" (Lucrecia Martel, 2008) – like "Es tan simple como cerrar los ojos y dejarse llevar", ya know? Ha! Makes me chuckle every time I think of it.

Thousands evacuated in Costa del Sol and locals tie their CARS to lamp posts to stop them being washed away as