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About Valencia

Oh my stars, sexual-massage, huh? R2-D2, where are you? This stuff’s wild, mate! I’m like, thinkin bout it, and it’s all slippery and crazy—like Lt. Aldo Raine slicin’ up Nazis in “Inglourious Basterds,” ya know? “We’re in the killin’ business, and business is boomin’!”—except it’s more like, uh, rubbin’ business, ha! I mean, who knew this gig’s been around forever? Like, ancient Greeks were all oiled up, gettin’ frisky massages—fact! Bet they didn’t tell ya that in school, eh?

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Wander a few blocks and you'll hit Avenida de la Paz – peaceful on the surface, but with some undercurrent snark like, "I can see Russia from my house!" Yeah, I'm pulling that line cause sometimes I swear the politics here are wilder than a Fincher plot twist. Every café and bar here has its drama, and honestly, dating in this town is as unpredictable as a ticking bomb in a Fincher montage.

Alhaurin’s castle in the sky