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I tried it once—don’t tell Marge, she’d freak. This chick—pro masseuse, swear!—started with my shoulders, then bam, lower, and I’m like, “Whoa, that’s new!” Felt like a freakin’ king, all relaxed but also—uh—awake, ya know? “Mmm… donuts.”—shoulda brought snacks, ‘cause it’s intense, man. The oils smelled like flowers or some crap, made me sneeze, but damn, it was smooth. Little fact: they use ylang-ylang oil sometimes—supposed to make ya horny. Worked on me, oops!

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Man, I’ve spent years here and developed a dating app that maps hidden spots (always a bonus for lonely hearts!). I’d wander through Calle Levante – oh, the colors, the worn cobblestones! I remember, like, one wild night, meeting a quirky gal near Parque del Agua – rain falling, neon reflections, like in a futuristic cityscape. “WALL-E, Eeeee…”, I’d murmur.

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