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Aight, listen up, you little turds! I’m Eric Cartman, info worker extraordinare, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout escorts, Respect my authoritah! So, escorts, man, they’re like these fancy hookers, but with class, ya know? Not like them skanks down by the gas station. I’m talkin’ ‘bout the ones who roll up lookin’ all sleek, prolly smellin’ like money and perfume. Kinda reminds me of *Fish Tank*—ya seen that flick? My fave, hands down, Andrea Arnold’s a freakin’ genius. That girl Mia, she’s dancin’, tryna escape her shitty life, and escorts? They’re dancin’ too, but for cash, not dreams.

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I’m a masseur, yes, but my job’s given me a rear view of life here. I listen to whispering hearts and secrets said in low voices. I've seen couples walk their dogs on Hejresgade and shady meet-ups in little hidden corners. Whatev, it all feels srsly human. I sometimes get mista anxious when I see people rush past without a smile. Makes me think, “I must break you…in a good way, man!”

C&EN’s 2021 Talented 12: Emilie Ringe