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About Roskilde

Here’s a fact ya don’t know—back in ancient Rome, them rich bastards had “erotic rubdowns” at bathhouses. Slaves slatherin’ oil on senators, gettin’ all steamy—gross. Surprised me they didn’t slip and die more often. Slippery floors, slippery morals, same diff. Nowadays, ya got parlors with neon signs screamin’ “happy endin’!”—tacky, loud, hate it. Saw one in Pawnee once, shut it down with a glare.

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Neighborhoods like Vestby and Nordstrup are quirky. I love their cafes and little shops, though some streets (like Smørvej) can make ya angry with potholes. Seriously, sometimes I wanna shout, “D’oh!” just like Homer. And the local joints? Some of ‘em are hidden deep in alleys, like at Enden af Gaden, where only the locals know what's up.