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But real talk, it’s a minefield—some places legit, some sketchy as hell. Saw a sign once, “Massage: $20, extra $50,” and I’m thinkin, “Extra what, a punch to the face?” Sarcasm’s my shield, mate—keeps me sane. Like, is this relaxation or a weird porno audition? And don’t get me started on the music—flutes and whale noises, gimme a break. I’d rather hear Bane yellin, “You merely adopted the dark!” while I’m gettin kneaded.

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The parks? Oh man, Kongens Park is my fave. Chill vibes, grassy knolls, and a tiny river - the Flodling. I often catch glimpses of folks relaxing by the water. It reminds me of, well, those film moments when everything stops for a beat. "We got him!" becomes "We got zen!"