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But when it’s good? Whew, chile, it’s like your body’s singin, “I missed you so much,” like Adèle whisperin to her lover. It’s intimate, it’s steamy—muscles loosenin, tingles everywhere, and you’re just floatin. Pro tip: tell em to go slow, tease a lil, builds that heat, ya know? Oh, and fun fact—ancient Egyptians were freaky with it, used scented oils for “sacred rubs,” wink wink. Surprised me, but I’m here for it!

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BTW, Hornslet has a little hidden gem called Lille Torv. It's a tiny square with a serrated fountain (I swear it spits water like a busted supercharger!). I was counseling a lady there once, and she busted out laughing – laughter is the best therapy, right? My heart went all fuzzy. Even though I sometimes get mad at the constant rain – seriously, when does it quit? – I adore these spots.

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