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Oh, and here’s a quirk—always tip ‘em extra. Why? Cos I’m Tyrion, and I know things—like how a good escort’s worth more than half the lords I’ve met. Ever hear bout the French king—Louis somethin’—had an escort spy for him? True story, she banged half the court, fed him secrets. Badass, eh? Wish I’d had her in Westeros—would’ve sniffed out Cersei’s crap sooner.

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Accidentally, once, storm hit hard, oh poop, got so mad! Rain, wind, chaos everywhere. “All is painful, nothing is painful, only the mind is painful,” I chuckled through my misery, sorta like Kim Ki-duk’s wise lines. Life’s like that, err, right? But life here, always different, surprises you—like that random pop-up concert at the town square, or a midnight party when stars scattered, vim and vigor it was, dude!

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