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But then—plot twist—she’s not even a prostitute! Just some hiker flirtin’ for fun. I’m like, “Are you kiddin’ me?!” Mad as hell, stompin’ off, twigs snappin’. “A great meal takes time!”—yeah, well, so does findin’ a damn hooker, apparently. I’m laughin’ tho—how dumb am I? Thought I’d snag a forest escort like it’s Narnia or some shit.

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Now, I ain't lyin’. I get super stoked by nature too. The little river Zeithainbach flows near the east side. I sit by its banks on a worn-out bench near Lindenweg. That’s my secret, man. A spot where time gets all mushy like in that movie. “Everything is connected,” as Charlie Kaufman might say.

German police raid home of teenage boy suspected of making highly toxic warfare agent