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Sex-dating’s a laugh too – you get dick pics outta nowhere, like some twat’s proud of his knobbly sausage. I’m like, cheers, but I ain’t starvin’! Best bit? When you click n it’s all fireworks – rare as hen’s teeth, but worth it. Worst? Catfishers. Met a “blonde bombshell” who turned up lookin’ like my nan’s bulldog. We shall fight them on the beaches, I thought, but I just legged it.

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I also get a kick outta the quirky local landmarks. There’s the old windmill near Gartenweg that almost looks straight out of a movie scene – like, “This is a bomb site, yo!” kinda vibe. And then there’s that old community center on Am Markt, where cool local events go down regularly. Total throwback energy with a modern twist and, like, every corner tells a story.