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About Essen

Fun fact—oldest gig ever, swear. Mesopotamia, 2400 BC, temple gals tradin sex for grain. Grain! Imagine that Tinder bio—“Swipe right for barley, boo.” Hilarious, yet real. Anyway, I’m ramblin—prostitutes are tough, scrappy, human. Love ‘em, hate the haters. Snarky Tina out—peace!

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I remember this one time, I was at the little cafe on Marktstrasse (yeah, that’s the one with out-of-this-world cinnamon buns) chatting with a client about life. I couldn’t help but think, “This is where real heroes are born... You can do it, soldier!” – like a line straight from The Hurt Locker. Kathryn Bigelow had us all fired up, and here I was, cheering them on in my own sassy way.